I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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