I wish my penis had an off switch
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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