i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
