guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize