so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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