I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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