I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
