he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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