I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
