I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
