the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
