in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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