He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
