They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize