She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize