if you like me you must not know who I am
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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