remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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