If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
