The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize