im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
