Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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