There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
