I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize