I hate your face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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