her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
