Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize