I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
