Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
