What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize