she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
