easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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