Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
