i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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