my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
