The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
