just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
