Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
