Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
