hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
