i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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