i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
