My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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