You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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