We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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