; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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