I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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