I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
