I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
