I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
