Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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