Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you would pick up someone in the library
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
