I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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