Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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