her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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