i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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