one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
