I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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