im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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