I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you had me at cake vodka
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
