I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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