My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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