So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize