i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
