I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
