I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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