he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
