It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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