i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
