I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
