i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
